How to Network Your Way Into Tech Roles Without Being Pushy or Fake

Wellfound's "Ask a Recruiter" series brings job hunters face-to-face with real tech recruiters who share honest advice on how to get hired.

Everyone tells you to "just get a referral." Then you send 50 LinkedIn messages and hear nothing back. Maybe one person responds with "I'll keep you in mind!" which translates to absolutely nothing.
Lachlan Ma, a technical recruiter at Affirm who spent four years at TikTok, has a different take. Referrals work. You're just doing them wrong.

🎥 Watch the full session on YouTube

TL;DR:

Referrals work, but most people are asking the wrong people. Target hiring managers and team members, not random employees. Make it easy for them by leading with your skills, not your life story.

Not All Referrals Are Equal

Lachlan's inbox has thousands of unread requests for referrals. Most get ignored. Some lead straight to interviews. The difference isn't luck.

"As a recruiter, if I see a referral from the hiring manager, I'm automatically moving them into interviews."

Here's the hierarchy:

• Hiring manager referral: You're interviewing
• Team member referral: Strong shot
• Random employee referral: Might help
• No referral: Good luck

Instead of spamming everyone, focus on the people who actually influence hiring decisions. Start with hiring managers. Then the team. Then recruiters.

Referrals Come With Cash Incentives

Employees at tech companies often get bonuses when their referrals get hired. Sometimes big ones. You're not asking for a favor — you're offering someone a shot at free money.

"Recruiters don't get referral bonuses because it's our job. But employees typically do."

How to Network Without Being Weird

Networking feels fake when you expect someone else to steer. It starts to feel real when you lead.

"You're gonna be the one guiding the conversation. Don't ask someone for a networking session and then sit there expecting them to lead."

Start by asking about their role and experience. Follow up with curiosity. Then naturally segue into who you are, what you do, and how you’re thinking about fit.

If you're introverted, this can feel unnatural at first. Lachlan's advice? Practice outside of work. Ask questions. Learn to steer.

"The conversations will feel fake and look fake at first, but then practice asking questions and leading conversations that make it feel authentic."

Ditch the Coffee Chat

Everyone says, “Ask for a quick coffee chat.” But that’s not how it works.

"If I receive these messages like, okay, that's a lot just in terms of my workload. I'm swamped from 9 AM to 2 PM purely in candidate calls."

Instead, go smaller: “Do you have 5 minutes sometime this week?” Offer a couple time blocks. Make it feel casual. Ask about them before asking for help.

Outreach Starts with Fit

Your first five words matter. Lachlan skips messages that start with “Hi, my name is...”

"The ones that get opened instantly say what I'm looking for."

Examples:

• "Software engineer with React experience"
• "Product manager from fintech startup"
• "Backend engineer interested in your team"

Say what you do. Skip the intro.

Find the Right People

Use the job description to your advantage. Most roles mention a team name. Use that to search LinkedIn.

"Type in the position title and then the team name. People typically have their team name in their bio, or at least have the title."

No team name? Try searching by location. Or look for "sourcers" — recruiters whose job is to find candidates.

"They have a lot of incentive to hop on a call and refer you in."

On Wellfound, jobs often include a "hiring contact" and show teammates. Start there.

Yes, It's Transactional, But Don't Make It Obvious

Referrals are a transaction. That’s okay. Just don’t make it feel like one.

"Approach it in a way that's smooth. If things are too abrupt, then it's not natural."

Lead with genuine interest in the person. Let the ask emerge naturally.

Apply First, Refer Fast

Recruiters start reviewing resumes within 24–48 hours of a job posting. If you’re still chasing a referral days later, someone else is already in the interview.

"If the role opened in the last 24 to 48 hours, don't wait for a referral. Give yourself a deadline and then apply."

If you know someone on the team, great — wait for the referral. If not, apply first. You can always follow up after.

Mind the Gaps

Don’t just say “I don’t have experience in X.” Ask how trainable it is. Show you can learn.

"Lead it into why you're still able to function in the role. Whether that's taking a course while working or asking how trainable the skill set is."

Recruiter Screens Are Still Interviews

Referrals get you in the door. They don’t get you the offer. The recruiter screen still counts.

"It's not as intense as an interview, but show up as your best self."

They're screening for:

• Legal work eligibility
• Location/relocation
• Communication

• Interest vs. desperation

  The Market Is Brutal Right Now

Some roles get 1,000+ applicants. The math sucks. Don’t take rejections personally.

"Sometimes it's an indicator of the market. There's thousands of people trying to cram into one room."

Ask for feedback. Some recruiters won’t answer. Some will.

Actionable Takeaways

• Practice guiding conversations by asking questions and steering with curiosity
• Ask for 5-minute chats, not 15-minute calls — keep it light
• Lead outreach with your skills, not your name
• Start by showing interest in them — don’t open with the ask
• Use job postings to find team names, then search LinkedIn for the right people

"Referrals aren't your key to getting an offer. They're your key to getting your foot in the door."

To learn more candidate tips, subscribe and check out 'Ask a Recruiter' on YouTube here.